I’ve heard it a lot. When describing themselves, guys will say, “my friends say I’m funny.” And, “my friends say I’m easy-going.” And quite often, “my friends say I look like Tom Cruise.” Besides the fact that the Tom Cruise comparison has yet to ring true, that association is only a turn-on for ladies who happen to like dwarf-sized, fancy-pants, scientologists. Bad actresses with oral herpes excluded.

Yes, I do want to get to know about you. But, excessive use of the “my friends say. . .” expression – especially in online dating posts - is such a turn-off. I don’t know your friends and have no reason to take their word for it. Besides, I find it hard to believe that a bunch of guys (straight guys mind you) would sit around in a circle with a cappuccino in hand and be like “I would describe you as a Tom Cruise type with maybe a little of Johnny Depp’s flair and your sense of humor is very Ellen.” Yeah, OK.

The other problem is that this kind of phrase speaks to a guy’s security – or should I say, lack of it. Using your friends to describe yourself makes me think you don’t know who you are. And, if you aren’t clear about who you are, then the best idea is to step off the market for a while and figure yourself out (Note: Same is true for women). Why? Otherwise you’re like some day-old, mystery meat at the deli. . .I may pause and take a whiff to try and figure it out, but at the end of the day, I ain’t going to bring you home for dinner. I just don’t trust it. Either tell me about yourself, yourself. Or, even better, SHOW ME. Make me laugh if you’re a funny guy. Make me think if you’re smart. Make me scream if you’re. . . you know. Be clear and confident about who you are and what you like. Confidence is so sexy.