No, this is not an article about that stupid astrology bullshit. It’s about compatibility. Religion. Politics. Values. There are a lot of big-ticket issues out there that prevent perfectly attractive people from getting together. Or worse, perfectly attractive people get together for the great sex, ignore the fact that they’re utterly incompatible, and end up in a miserable relationship. You may recognize these couples by their incessant fighting, frequent break-ups and reconciliations, and excessive drinking to dull the pain.

So how do you pick out the chick that’s really right for you? The first step is being able to recognize situations that just don’t mesh. For example, she just got out of a bad relationship and you’re aching to tie the knot. You want wall-banging sex 24/7 and she wants old-fashioned, handholding romance. She wants to build her career and you want to travel the world and help starving, AIDS-stricken, orphan children (e.g. the former Mr. & Mrs. Pitt).

The next step is to be aware of the difference between having separate interests and being in completely different places. She doesn’t have to like everything you do, but for key issues (some examples below), it is important to be in the same ballpark.

Politics – She is a die-hard fan of Bush and the only bush you’re a fan of lies beneath a thin layer of lace and silk.

Family – She can’t spend two hours without talking to her wonderful family and you think family is only good for two things: Christmas presents and bail.

Pets – She loves her miniature poodle like a child and you often mistake the thing for a toilet seat cover and piss all over it when drunk.

Religion – She likes to say a little prayer before bedtime and the only prayer that you’re interested in is the one that will take you there. (Madonna rules)

The key thing to remember is that if you find yourself dating a die-hard dog lover, Jesus groupie or Bush buff and justifying your differences with the great sex, good times or ample loneliness, you’re in for some trouble. (Visa versa)